You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
