I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
