my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i need some magic done to my vagina
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
