I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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