You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
