I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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