Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
