Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
