That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
