I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
