my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
