i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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