You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize