woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
