Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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