1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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