Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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