I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
