tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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