Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
