Just fell off a train. Bad.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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