eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
