My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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