he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize