we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
