ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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