she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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