I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
