dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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