this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
