Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
