Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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