dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
