I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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