as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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