Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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