dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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