He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he fucked my hip out of place.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
