One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
