I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
two words...techno handjob
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
