i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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