I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
