You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
