I cockslap morals
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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