Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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