You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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