i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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