Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
