were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
