So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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