It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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