yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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