i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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