Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
