You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think I sprained my soul last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
