Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
