We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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