Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
