My hand turned me down
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
