A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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