The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
