Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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