they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
