Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
