I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
