D3 body, D1 cock
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
either way he was missing a nipple.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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