My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
