oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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